


I want you to call me Peter

by sticksandinfinitystones



Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Other, T/W suicide mention, T/W transphobia, Trans Male Character, Trans Peter Parker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 03:46:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11843343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sticksandinfinitystones/pseuds/sticksandinfinitystones
Summary: Peter Parker is a boy and he's always known that. Snap shots of Peter growing up as a kid who happens to be trans.





	I want you to call me Peter

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This head-canon has been floating around for a while and I've really fallen in love with it. So, here's my take on the trans-Peter perception. I hope you enjoy it!  
> (Natasha is slight OOC for a moment in this I apologise in advance)

Mary and Richard Parker always knew their little girl was different.

For example, she absolutely hated bath time. Not in the normal toddler-wants-to-keep-having-fun hating bath time. Little Maria Parker would scream and cry and hit as soon as she heard the water starting to run. Which was very strange because Maria Parker was such a sweet and caring little girl at every other hour of the day.

She also _detested_ getting dressed for anything formal. They once had to cancel an appearance at a benefit they were invited to purely because Maria was throwing an untameable fit about wearing the dress her mother chose for her. 

She was also kicked out of her ballet class. Not for lack of talent, Maria was actually a very promising dancer for someone so young. But because Maria refused to dance with the girls and only wanted to do the moves the boys were doing. Whenever the teacher turned away for a moment, Maria would have ripped her tutu off and had started copying the boys in her leotard and tights.

“I’m sorry but Maria is simply too disruptive.” Is what Madame Jones had said

That was another thing. She never liked ‘Maria’. She always said it was a ‘dumb name’ and pestered her parents as to why they chose it. Maria was always way too smart for her own good and her parents noticed from an early age.

Eventually, after another afternoon of Maria pestering her parents over their apparently ‘silly’ name choice, Richard found himself turning to his four-year-old and asking:

“Well, what do you _want_ to be called, Maria?”

And their daughter stood quiet for a moment before replying:

“I don’t know yet. I’ll tell you when I’ve decided.”

And then she marched off to her room, with her chin held high in accomplishment.

That evening, the family had sat down on the couch and Richard and Mary had introduced their daughter to one of their favourite childhood movies; Disney’s ‘Peter Pan’.

Maria was in absolute awe, just like Richard and Mary expected. And just as they expected also, she didn’t give a second thought to Tinkerbell or to Wendy or to Tiger Lily or to the mermaids. She was, however, completely enamoured with Peter Pan, himself.

When the movie ended, Maria was quiet again for the second time that day, before looking up at her father and stating:

“I want you to call me Peter.” Before quickly adding, “Please.”

Richard laughed and ruffled his daughter’s hair.

“Okay, Peter Pan. Whatever you say.”

Their daughter then stopped answering to Maria all together. She would not acknowledge her parents or anyone whom addressed her unless they referred to her as Peter. It was as if Maria had never existed to her at all and Peter was all she knew.

This wasn’t a problem at all to Mary or Richard. They were fine with their little girl wanting her short, messy hair style. They didn’t mind at all that she hated the idea of dresses. And if she wanted to be called Peter, then Peter she would be called. Some strangers or acquaintances made comments sometimes about how they were being ‘push overs’ but anyone who knew the Parker’s really knew Peter was a wonderful, intelligent and very sweet kid. And her parents just wanted her to be happy.

None of this was a problem, until Peter started kindergarten.

The teacher had been informed ahead of time that Maria Parker would only answer to Peter and her parents wished for her to respect that. Which she did.

Miss Wilson and the rest of the kindergarten class all knew and addressed her as Peter, which had the youngest Parker smiling from ear to ear.

Peter was thriving in Kindergarten. She was extremely happy in the class and with all the other children until about three days into her first week.

That’s when both Mary and Richard Parker were called from work and told to come down to the school immediately.

They were greeted in the principal’s office by the principal herself, Miss Wilson, the school guidance counsellor and their own very emotional five-year-old.

“There was an incident in gym today.” The principal said

“What kind of incident? She didn’t get hurt, did she?” Asked Richard, suddenly going into over protective dad mode

“No, it actually occurred before the class even started.” The principal continued

“Peter was absolutely fine and excited to go to gym until we started to split up the boys and girls.” Miss Wilson explained, “And then Peter threw a huge fit, which was totally unlike her. It was like she was completely different child. She was screaming, crying, scratching at staff members trying to calm her down. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“Because you were trying to split up the boys and girls?” Asked Richard

“And you tried to make her go with the girls.” Answered Mary, before any of the staff members could

“Mr and Mrs Parker…” Said the Guidance Counsellor, “I was speaking to Mari- _Peter_ before you arrived and I think this is something we need to take a lot more seriously.”

“What do you mean?” Asked Mary, suddenly feeling very panicked, “You’re not expelling her, are you? It’s only been three days! It was one incident!”

“No, no, Mrs Parker! That’s not it at all! Peter is a wonderful child who we feel very privileged to have at our school.” Said the principal, quickly

“Then what is it?” Asked Richard

“Mr and Mrs Parker, I think it’s time you start considering that this sort of _rejection_ Peter seems to have for her gender might be more than just a phase.”

…

It took three different child psychologists and two gender specialists to officially diagnose Peter with what they called ‘Gender Identity Disorder’.

Which Mary and Richard Parker absolutely _hated_.

The word ‘disorder’ implied to them that there was something ‘wrong’ with their child. Which there wasn’t. And there never would be. Peter was Peter and there was nothing wrong with that.

When on an online forum with other parents of children with similar diagnoses as Peter, Richard and Mary Parker learnt the term ‘Gender Dysphoria’, which they liked a whole lot better.

Before the final gender specialist sat the parents down and explained it to them, the Parkers had never really heard the term transgender before. Maybe on a few documentaries and articles here and there but never in such detail and never so close to home.

The specialist informed them that whatever they chose to do with the diagnosis was up to them as Peter’s parents but she strongly recommended that for Peter’s long term emotional and mental health, their support in how she - _he_ – identified was vital.

It was a no brainer for Richard and Mary. Peter was their only child. And they wanted nothing but happiness for him. And after reading horror stories about kids like Peter as young as eleven taking their own lives due to the rejection they faced and being forced to live as the gender they were assigned at birth, Richard and Mary knew immediately what they had to do.

Pronouns changed around the house. They changed at school. They changed around extended family and friends. And it was absolutely amazing to the Parkers how such a little change could bring so much happiness to their child.

For his sixth birthday, Peter’s parents brought him to the court house and legally changed his name. And it was the first time Mary and Richard Parker had seen their child cry tears of happiness rather than of anger or hatred or pain. And they wished with all their hearts that those were the only sort of tears their son cried from then on.

Unfortunately, not even two weeks later, Peter Parker cried tears for a very different reason. A very awful reason.

Not even two weeks later, Mary and Richard Parker were involved in a terrible plane crash. Neither survived.

And Richard’s brother and sister-in-law were all the young boy had left in the world.

…

“Mari- _crap_ – Peter, please come out!” Asked Aunt May for what felt like the hundredth time that day

And then, Ben and May Parker heard the sound of a toy breaking inside his room.

“I know it’s hard.” Whispered Ben to his wife, as they both sat diligently outside the seven-year-olds room, “But you have to be more careful.”

“I know.” May replied, “It just slips out sometimes. I know my nephew’s name, Ben.”

“I know you do. And he does too.” Said Ben, with a sigh, “But we have to understand that what is just a silly slip of the tongue to us, can be totally heart-breaking for him.”

May rubbed at her tired face and gave a sigh.

“God, this is so hard. I have no clue how to raise a child.” She said, in a small voice, “Especially a child like Peter. They really don’t have any parenting books for this, huh?”

“Nope. We’re flying blind.”

They were silent for a moment, both wondering where they would go from there. How they would deal with the challenges coming their way. This was only the small first of many many hurdles their nephew would have to face and here they were, almost crumbling.

“He has to learn how to swim, Ben.” May finally said

“I know.”

“He has to be prepared in case something were to happen.”

Ben gave a sigh and ran a hand through his already thinning hair.

“The pool is outright _refusing_ to let him swim in boy’s class?”

“And _I’m_ not letting him swim with the girl’s class.” Said May, firmly, “I’m not putting him through that.”

Silence falls for a moment as the aunt and uncle are in quiet agreement.

“Then we pay for private lessons.” Said Ben, finally, “I’ll try and get overtime.”

“-And I’ll pick up as many extra shifts as I can.” Finished May

“We’ll make this work, May.” Said Ben, turning to his wife and offering her a smile, “We always will.”

May returned her husband’s smile before resting her head on his shoulder.

“What would I do without you, Benjamin Parker?”

…

The image of the long, sharp needle in front of him made twelve-year-old Peter Parker feel both sick and giddily excited.

He’d hated shots for as long as he could remember, but he had been waiting his whole life for this one.

He had started on hormone blockers at the age of ten.

But, now he was twelve, he could finally start testosterone.

Peter had always been just one of the boys but the older he grew, the more self-conscious he became. Every time his classmates had growth spurts or their voices started cracking or his best friend Ned bragged about his first armpit hair, Peter wanted to lock himself away and cry.

But now, finally, Peter would be able to join them.

“It will be once every three weeks, for now. But as he gets older, they'll be more frequent.” Explained Doctor Casey

“And he continues them for the rest of his life?” Asked May

“Yes, unfortunately, if Peter wants to keep all the male characteristics the testosterone shots allow him to develop, he will need to be to on them for the rest of his life.”

“I don’t care.” Said Peter, immediately, “I don’t care. Give them to me every day, if you have to. Let’s just do it already, Doc.”

Doctor Casey gave a laugh and shook her head at her young patient.

“That won’t be necessary. But I always appreciate your enthusiasm, Peter.” She said, flicking the needle, “I’ll give you the first dosage, so you can see how it’s done and then you’ll be able to continue the shots at home.”

Peter watched intently at everything the doctor did, despite the giddy excitement that had him anxiously drumming on his thigh.

Peter felt like today was really the start of the rest of his life.

…

“I don’t know why you’re so excited, Parker. You can’t come.” Announced Flash Thompson, leaning back in his chair

All the boys on the freshman decathlon team had been peacefully and excitedly talking about the annual boy’s nature retreat the school held (Of course, they had the female equivalent too, Peter would have never had condoned the retreat if they hadn’t). It was a weekend in the woods, camping out and studying nature.

And it was all happy conversations until Flash’s comment.

“Why not?” Asked Peter, panic starting to rise in his body

“Because you’re not a _real_ boy.” Said Flash, scoffing, “Isn’t that right, _Penis_ Parker?”

Peter felt his heart drop into his stomach. He was sure most people at school knew he was transgender. And most of them didn’t care. Most had known him since elementary school and therefore knew he had been nothing but a boy ever since they could remember. But Flash was one of those special kind of assholes that loved to remind Peter that that’s not what his birth certificate said.

Ned took one look at the expression on his friends face before turning to Flash and saying:

“ _Of course_ Peter’s going. He’s the smartest dude in this school. But the real question is, are you going Flash? Or is your retreat for spoilt little daddy’s boys on the same weekend?”

The entire team stifled laughter as Flash’s face grew red and he glared at Ned, with fire in his eyes.

Peter felt relief run through his body.

He leaned over to his best friend and quickly whispered:

“Thanks.”

And Ned smiled and replied:

“Any time.”

…

 

“Peter?”

“Peter, please come out.”

“I know it’s hard, Pete.”

“I miss him too.”

Peter wanted to reply to his aunt. He wanted to comfort her. He wanted to walk out the room and hug his aunt and tell her everything would be okay. That he was there for her and they would get through this together.

But right now, he just _hurt_. He hurt more than he ever had before in his life. This somehow hurt worse than any shot or any nasty comment or any asshole that gave him a hard time in school.

And it took all the strength he had to roll over on his bed and stare at the door he couldn’t bring himself to unlock.

…

When the first Spider-Man headline came out, Peter knew that he maybe should have been more concerned at how the daily bugle seemed to be perceiving him. The depiction of him as a menace was extremely inaccurate.

But he couldn’t contain the utter joy and excitement he felt at reading the name Spider- _Man_ in big bold letters, emblazoned across the front page of the paper.

No ifs.

No buts.

He was Spider- _Man_.  And no one could take that away from him

…

It was a passing joke made by Natasha that went sour.

In her defence, Peter probably should have told the team from the start that he was transgender. It was something May always drilled into him 'disclose before you get to know', safety reasons, you know? But it just felt so _good_ that they never even questioned that he was a boy, that he always put off telling them. And now it seemed like a way too awkward length of time had passed for him to disclose it now.

“I have to admit, sometimes when we’re in battle, Pete, you have a habit of screaming like a girl.” She’d said

Which had elicited a peal laughter from the rest of the team. And every laugh from his team mates hit Peter harder than any punch he could ever take.

Peter didn’t laugh. Peter just glared at the woman he had idolised only moments ago.

“Geez, lighten up, princess, she was only kidding.” Said Sam, noticing the anger in Peter’s expression

“ _Don’t_ call me that!”

“Whatever you say, Princess Parker.” He said, chuckling to himself

And the team laughed again. And it took everything Peter had not to burst into tears in that moment.

Tony noticed the look on his protégé’s face and immediately knew that whatever the joke was, it had clearly touched a nerve that it shouldn’t have.

“Alright, let’s stop harassing the kid, shall we?” He interrupted, raising a disapproving eyebrow at Sam, “The joke has passed. It’s not funny anymore. Not that it ever was to begin with.”

Peter had never felt so disconnected to the rest of team before in his life

On the flip side, however, he had never been more thankful for Tony Stark.

…

“Hey, Pete, you got a sister you never told me about?”

Peter was confused at the question Tony threw at him when he came into the workshop that afternoon.

Sister?

Where could he have gotten that idea fro-

Oh.

Oh no.

“-Because I was looking up some background info on you to implement you into our avengers database finally and I came across a Maria Parker.” He continued, “Who you’ve never mentioned before. Who’s Maria?”

Tony must have noticed the way Peter’s face dropped because his own became very solemn, all of a sudden.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Kid.” He said, immediately, “I-I didn’t…”

He knows.

Of course he knows. He’s Tony fucking Stark, of course he figured it out.

“She passed with your parents?” He asked, quietly

Peter felt a slightly relief. Yet he couldn’t rid himself of the tension building up in his body.

He, awkwardly, sat down next to his mentor and kept his gaze focused down.

“Um. A little before that, actually.” He said, truthfully

“Shit, Pete.” Said Tony, who seemed for once at an actual loss for words, “I… I shouldn’t have asked you about her.”

“I was four.”

“What?”

“When Maria died.” Said Peter, fiddling with the sleeve of his hoodie, “I was four.”

He said it before he could stop himself. He didn’t want to. He’d prolonged telling any of his new team mates for so long, it felt like this heavy secret weighing on his shoulders. Maybe it would feel a little less heavy if just one person knew.

“That’s…. That’s rough, kid.” Said Tony, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, “I’m sorry.”

“Honestly? It was one of the best days of my life.” Said Peter, smiling to himself at the fond memory of announcing his new name to his father for the first time

Peter turned to see the slightly horrified look on Tony’s face and gave a small laugh.

“I don’t have a sister, Mr Stark. I’m an only child.”

And then, for once, the genius looked very confused.

“Then who the heck is Maria Parker?”

Peter sucked in a breath through his teeth and closed eyes. This was it.

“I…. Was.” He said, in a small voice

“What?”

“I, um, haven’t always been Peter.” He explained, staring hard at a pencil on the desk and fidgeting even worse with his sleeves, “Well, I have. I’ve always _really_ been Peter. But I was uh…. I was _born_ Maria Parker.”

“… Progressive name choice or-?”

“I was born a girl, Mr Stark.” He said, closing his eyes and saying it as fast as he could, “Though, I prefer to say ‘assigned female at birth’, I guess I was… _biologically_ born a girl.”

God, he hated that word.

‘Biologically.’

As far as he concerned, he was biologically male. Nothing else mattered.

“So you’re-?”

“Transgender.” Finished Peter, feeling a great weight lifting off his shoulders after finally saying the word

Tony was silent for a moment.

Peter swore it was the longest moment of his life. Every second was painful and filled him with his awful awful sense of dread and regret.

“So, _that’s_ why you were so pissed at what Natasha and Sam said, the other day.” Said Tony, finally, “Jesus, kid, if I’d had known I would have told them more than just to shut up.”

Peter breathed a sigh of relief and stopped fidgeting with his hands, which he hadn’t noticed had been shaking the entire time.

“I- It’s not their fault, they didn’t know. I should have told you all earlier.” Said Peter, “I just… I just really _liked_ that you all just saw me as a…. A boy. And you never questioned it. It was just so _nice_. Almost everyone in my life knows, my whole school does and, like, of course they see me as a boy but there’s always just that _one_ person in every bunch that’ll just go out of their way to make sure I remember what my birth certificate says.”

Peter gave a small, awkward laugh to decrease the weight of the last statement. But the way that made the almost sixteen-year-old feel was painfully evident.

“You don’t have to tell anyone if you don’t want to.” Said Tony, “It’s none of their business, anyway. Just let me know if anything they say bothers you again.”

“Will do.”

“Good.” Said Tony, before diverting his attention back to his work, “Now let’s get to work on these suit updates, shall we?”

The two worked away into the evening, their conversation returning to normal and everything seeming so perfectly natural, like it always did, only without the weight that normally plagued Peter. He was thankful for that. Nothing had changed.

“Hey, kid?” Asked Mr Stark, eventually

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad you told me.”

“I’m glad I told you, too.”

Silence again.

“Maria was my mother’s name, you know.”

Peter gave a laugh.

“Your mother can keep that name.”

And then Tony laughed, too.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! There's a second chapter coming eventually (hopefully) where there's some closure on things. Let me know what you thought in the comments!


End file.
